11 DecThe Secure Password Creation Formula

Here’s how to generate a really strong password to protect your precious Facebook account from users hacking it and writing things like “I like to play with poop”. It’s a very simple, step-by-step process that anyone can manage. Read on…

Step 1. Squeeze a household pet until they exclaim in disapproval. If you have goldfish you may need to try a few fish before this works.

Step 2. Record the sound your pet makes. These are the first letters.

Step 3. Add the winning lotto numbers from the week of your mother’s birth. This’ll require some research on your part, but is an absolutely vital step. Without it a monkey will be able to access your most sensitive status updates with only the power of his mind.

Step 4. Eat a piece of brocolli. Count the number of crunches you get from it. (This used to be the number of licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop but since they came out with that marketing campaign it just isn’t secure any longer. Mmmmm… I miss Big League Chew.)

Step 5. Multiply the numbers from steps 3 and 4, then subtract the number of times you curse your computer in a given day and append this to the sound your flattened animal made. If the resulting number is a negative throw your computer away, buy a parka and move to the Himalayas to become free from all of your emotional pissed-off-ness.

Step 6. You’re done. Your new password is so secure that no one aside from Google will ever know it. In fact, it’s so secure that your brain cannot even comprehend it’s magnificence and when you attempt to recall it your mind simply locks up in a overwhelming wave of awe at it’s pure awesomeness.

Step 7. Request a password reset.

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Joshua Guffey

Project Manager at Dependable Data Services
Father. Husband. Search Marketing Professional. Conversion Optimization Consultant. Love Rumi.
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