Personal development rule # 2
Pause frequently for reflection

Personal development rule # 3
Enjoy the paradoxs

As we move into the holiday gatherings with our dear families whom we rarely see enough, I’d like to take a look at something…

The dearest things we give and reeceive in all the world are not wrapped in shiny ribbons and bows. Frequently our greatest gifts are as simple as a hand-crafted compliment that is entirely accurate and deserved, a kind ear that listens beyond the first several egoic-driven impulses to ‘move on’, and in so doing, giving another heart a chance to reflect and to be heard.

These types of gifts are often remembered for years. Perhaps even a lifetime.

I watched a lovely TED Talk by Brene Brown about the power of vulnerability (it was superb), and it reminded me that being true to yourself, allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to be loved and courageous enough to do the loving are some of the most miraculous acts we can perform. And we can give these daily, even hourly, without being even one ounce diminished ourselves.

I hope your holidays are rife with the love and joy that is family and loved ones.

What it we focused more clearly on the outcome we seek instead of all the details of one small part?

If we were to spend less time engaged with what doesn’t move us forward and we kept our purpose in mind, how much more could we achieve?

What’s the key here, I think, is having a strong passion / desire that will fuel you through the challenges and ward off boredom. Well, that and keeping it at the absolute forefront of your mind. This seems to keep me very focused. Its always when my ‘why’ wanes that my results diminish.

What’s true for you?

Usually when I drill down and ask if there are any specific questions the response is nearly always “Well I just wonder what you would recommend.”

Its fine, I don’t mind this question and I’m happy to help when and where I can. What I think people are frequently looking for is some general sense of where to go from here. You’ve got a WordPress blog, now what?

So what follows is a general response to a recent inquiry I got from a buddy online. If it fits for you and is helpful… awesome!

In my experience its a bit of an ongoing process. You’ll probably feel out the design for a while and make changes til you’re happy with it.

I’d say make the effort to continue writing. Every day if you can find the time. Your writing will quickly evolve and you’ll define more and more your own specific topics and style.

Creating a clear focus or a thread that weaves its way through all of your content is always ideal, but that can take time to do it right. Often developing a sense for what this is for one’s own self takes a bit of time first. But write anyway. The focus will come. And if later down the line you decide you’d like to change focus you can easily do so.

Meanwhile you’ll be developing connections with people. A community that witnesses your writing and becomes increasingly engaged with you, your ideas and your brand (or personality plus expertise).

Remember that writing is building equity. All the rest is details.

Hope this helps!

Best,
Joshua

Is it inherently a bad thing to “toot one’s own horn”?

While it certainly tends to be inherently annoying for those around us (unless they care greatly for us and choose to see past it), I would argue that just a bit of occasional gloating is a good sign.

Be honest. You know that when you feel a sense of pride in something you’ve put effort into, you like to share it with those who feel close to you.

What about online? What about on Twitter or Facebook? How will your guilty excursions into touting your recent accomplishment fare for your image? Probably not well. But then you probably knew that. Certainly you don’t need me to tell you that gloating puts people off.   But I will say this. If the people whom you feel connected with and want to share this with are online in those venues and you wish to share it… do!

Why? Because god-dammit… be you!  – It’s okay really.

It’s your choice to share what you’re proud of.   Others can choose to take it in any way they please.  Besides, I for one want the opportunity to be even more proud of you.

–

photo credit: Florin Draghici

We spin our wheels alot in society. I’m sure it’s true everywhere.

A project manager becomes too busy and looses sight of the big picture. As a manager or a parent we forget that praise works better than blame.

The bigger picture is hidden behind the details. A direction is obscured and for a time, we lose sight of land.

Its our ability it see something from the end, and to plan our course intelligently that sets us apart as thinking beings. Yet so often I’ve heard it said that we become human doings, and I believe its true. We take on too much, loose our vision and forget our way. We effectively overload ourselves and cut off our connection to higher creativity that would take us to the places of our dreams.

We all need the gentle reminder sometimes that to get the very best results from our life, its important that we aren’t running on overload.

Are there ways that you can reduce your load?

Lets first of all assume “No, there are no ways to cut down my load. I’m buried”, because I think we call all relate to this one time or another, and because clearly you have the least time to spend reading this.

If you cannot reduce your load, you CAN always reduce your ‘perceived load’. There’s lots of ways to do this. Here’s a short list to remind you what you (may) already know:

• Start questioning the stressful thoughts in your head. I’ll bet you can easily check like three good ones off just by recognizing that they’re either 1) unlikely to occur 2) completely unfounded fears 3) not  important enough to warrant as much as stress its causing you 4) or all of the above.
• Breathe suuuper slow and count the seconds while you inhale. This one is actually amazing. If you can make three minutes to sit down you can use this to reduce your stress drastically.
• Think about two things you’re REALLY grateful for. What would life be like without the things you’re grateful for? (for me its my loved ones, who also serve as drive for my ambition)
• Ask a couple of questions:

“Where do I want to go?”

“How am I going to start?”

• Keep your ‘why‘ in mind as you create

These tools really help me to put life into perspective when things get to be a bit too much.

What are your tools?  How do you regain your vision?

Keep smiling friends!  ;-)

Sometimes what is needed is something totally different than what came before it.  Trade in your two-door coupe for for a five door minivan.  Sell a Cadi and buy a Harley.  Or you decide that you’re going to see the world by hot-air balloon.

When we follow our hearts we end up places we might never have expected.  And those places feel right–they’re where we need to be–where our growth is to catalyze or where we have those invaluable human experiences; like fatherhood or where we face some very difficult choices that we can’t leave to anyone else.

I’d just like to take a moment and tell my wife how very much Love her.  Thanks for coming to an entirely new space with me.  You’re one of a kind Becky.  Let’s keep walking.  xo

–

photo credit: ephemeralmuse

We share.  And learn.  We are not afraid to express emotion or to call each other out on our bullshit when necessary.

We are bound by the common struggles of life and by the lessons that a man might learn.  By our struggle to stand in our purpose in spite of the doubt and fear that may be upon us this very moment.  We do it anyway.

Discarding dogma and seeking a higher vision in all things, these men learn to harness a tremendous force in their lives and to express it in masterful ways.  Creating art out of life–a testament to who we are while we have the chance to be.

Who’s with me?

I just finished watching Bedtime Stories (amazon link).  It left me with the feeling of “your life is now…live it dammit!”  It really got me thinking.  You’ve heard it before… “do the things you want when you’re young”, we all have.   But what I’d like to do is to ask you to take a moment–invest it really–and ask yourself “what is it in my own life that I am struggling with that I don’t want to die knowing I haven’t overcome?”

It’s a simple question really, albeit a scary one. What, if you change nothing about how you’re living, will you die having to come to terms with?

For me right now it’s my health.   Sure, I’m young (29 if you care) but I’m finding that things aren’t quite how they used to be.  Okay I’m being vague…I’ve got a belly.  And I’m not feeling energetic and agile like I used to.   Hmmm, still weak.   Okay…I was walking recently and felt my belly jiggle, how about that!?

Sure, I’m not a ‘heavy’ guy, but it’s not fun feeling a truly negative change in my body when all my life I’ve been very thin, agile and energetic.  I’m not even 30 and I’m so much less energetic than I was just 5 years ago.  Something’s GOT to change.  And now!

I believe that most things in the universe actually work in more of an exponential or ‘compound’ fashion (in contrast to our tendency to view things as if they have a linear progression), that said I’m sure that if I don’t make a change now, one day I will look back and ask myself “where did I go wrong?”

Now really the point of this post is really about you and what YOU want to get out our life.   Not me.  But you see where I’m going… HONESTY

We’ve got to be ‘brutally honest’ with ourselves because there’s some part of our make up (most of us anyway) that likes to hide from the facts.   It’s why we dress up our dead.  –  Respects to anyone grappling with loss right now.

My point is to cut the proverbial shit.  Quit kidding yourself.   There are things that are important to you that you aren’t making happen.   It may not be your waist.  Or your pocketbook. Or your car.  Maybe it’s riding a motorcycle.   Or taking your kid camping camping every month.   It doesn’t have to be what we see on TV or at the movies.

Hell, if it’s collecting every damn version of every Derek Jeter baseball card ever made–and that’s what really matters to you–than do it goddamn it.   Enjoy it.  When you’re laying in your hospital bed at the end of your life… you’re gonna damn well wish you had.

And now you’re gonna make me eat my words.   And I’m glad of it.

What’s your takeaway?

–

PS.  Love your family.  Love ‘em like people might think you’re a little wacky.  Really, it’s okay.  :)

Oh… PSS.  Shout out to my buddy Juan Hernandez who seeded this whole train of thought by sharing this video of his amazing high-speed motorcycle ride yesterday (a thrill to watch) http://youtu.be/Ofxhrw1rDE8

–

photo credit: thenoizz

I can’t really take credit for this question.  I read it somewhere a while back in some form and I’m sure I’m paraphrasing it.  Unfortunately the original source escapes me right now.  But the point remains: If we were to be consistent about the things that matter most, we’d be far along the path to where we’d like to be.

For me one of these things is writing.  For you it may be getting up and out the door daily for your morning exercise.  Or spending a few minutes in reflection before you switch modes and begin to engage with the world.

Whatever it is, it’s powerful and it’s something that you’re not doing consistently.  If you were your life would be a revolution and you probably wouldn’t feel the desire to read this because inside you’d know you were already doing that thing.

Something else to remember here is that we are learning, changing, growing beings.  We’re never static.  We’re either growing or dying.  That said, your ‘one thing’ is going to evolve right along with you.  As such it’s important to be asking this question frequently to reconnect with where our efforts could be better spent.

What’s your ‘one thing’?  Why not leave a comment and this can become a brainstorm for those of you who participate?

After getting a shower, putting a tiny breakfast in my belly and grabbing my morning cup of joe, I find myself in creative mode.  I realize that I want to write, record, compose, construct or in some way create.

What I’m not in the mode to do is to consume new ideas or concepts just yet.

I recognized this ‘mode’ as I felt a resistance to immediately dive into Twitter.  I care very much about what is happening with you and with the rest of the world.  This isn’t about you.  It is about my need to respect what what my mode currently is and to flow with that tendency rather than fighting it.

If I’m in creative mode, I’d better damn well be creating.  Especially considering there is so much to read, digest and respond to in a given day.  When I am in a creative mode, perhaps the very best thing I can do is to surrender to it, letting it flow.  And then when I’m finished, take a step back and view it as part of the whole…part of the world that I haven’t yet engaged for the day; and allow it to be my starting point.

How about you?  Does think make sense?  Is this true for you?

photo credit: scenar308 (Highlands & Kührointhaus)

We plan. We strategize. We save and invest. And then…what?

Often times these things fall out from under us. Sometimes we could have done something to prevent it. Other times–not so much. We hold to the thought that our lives will unfold as planned, when we know damned well they don’t.

In our lives we minimize physical clutter by reducing the number of things we own and manage. In our thought space–the vortex of our planning, whirring minds–we can reduce clutter by applying the rule of 80/20 to our planning and our expectations about where our life is headed (it may not be where you expect).

I read a great post today by Jeffrey Tang of at The Art of Great Things, that really brought this home for me and helped me to frame what productive planning might look like (hint: it’s not planning every minute detail til you’re ready to beat your head in). I got a lot out of it and I wanted to share it here with you. ;-]

In the words of Noel Gallagher, “a dreamer dreams she never dies”. Perhaps you’ll want to listen to Champagne Supernova or Stop Crying Your Heart Out while you read the above post.

-Joshua Guffey

What does all of this mean to you? How do you see the role of planning and productivity to fit in with a ‘necessary acceptance’ of a reality we don’t fully control?